Talk:Something's Got to Give/@comment-26466087-20141223113859
I'm reading fucking comments on the internet, and people are SO ignorant and disgusting. There are videos and documentaries on YouTube about little kids and teenagers sharing their stories about identifying as transgender and the struggles they face. Those ignorant asshats spewing hate and transphobia sure as shit don't make those kids' lives any easier. You know when I learned about gender identity? I was between the age of eight and ten. And I understood perfectly when I watched Jazz Jennings's video. It was her video from when she was seven years old and openly talked about her gender identity. She said, "I have a girl brain and a boy body." I understood that. And I was a fucking CHILD. SO why can't these dumbass adults get it? Yes, it is a phase for some kids. But not all kids. It is NOT a choice. No one chooses to have gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder because it's fun or cool. No. That's like saying that someone chooses to have autism. IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! And I've struggled with this since I was thirteen. I turn fifteen in six months, and I still have no fucking clue what my gender is. No, I don't feel uncomfortable having female anatomy. No, I don't wish I was born in a different body. But I don't feel like I'm completely a girl. I feel like I'm pangender and gender fluid, but I'm still honestly not sure if it's just a phase in my case. I don't know. I'm lost. When I was ten years old, I started identifying as bisexual. I told myself that it was my choice- I told others it was my choice. And it wasn't. But I didn't want it to be true. I wanted to be in control of my own sexuality, so I treated it like a choice. And it wouldn't stop. It only got stronger. When I was twelve, I did more research and realized that I was actually pansexual. Subconsciously, I did know that there was more than cis male and cis female. I did know that I liked people regardless of their gender. Add on another year and I learned there was more to it. I struggled with the truth that I was actually a panromantic pansexual AND demisexual. I denied it for the longest time. I didn't want it. It seemed weird to me, even though it's part of who I am. I called myself a prude and a freak. I thought I was unnatural. And I still don't know if this is true like the other times or if this time it's a passing phase. I don't even completely know what I am. And the sad thing is that even after all these years of finding out my sexual orientation, I've only come out to three family members (my mom, my step-cousin, and my second-cousin). I'm sorry. I don't expect anyone to respond or care about my shit, but I just had to get it out somewhere. This is the only place on the internet where I feel comfortable. I don't even feel like sharing this on Tumblr or Deviant ART because I've built such a close friendship with most of you. I love you guys. You all got me through my eight grade year, and I can proudly walk the halls of high school because I had support and love from all of you. Yeah, I'm still pretty much a little kid, but I'm more mature and wise now. And you've all been there for me since day one. I'm legit crying right now. I really do feel comfortable posting anything here.